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Showing posts with label Jay Leno. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jay Leno. Show all posts

Monday, October 04, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue: New Home

I had a policy of not commenting on the monologue feature. My thinking was that the jokes on their own said everything that needed to be said. And my opinion wasn't the point. My opinion wasn't likely to add anything meaningful to your experience reading the jokes and reacting to them honestly.

I got a few comments here and on Facebook saying things like 'Hey, that one wasn't so bad!' and my response was typically to ask why they thought I was only trying picking bad jokes. But let's face it: the jokes are palpable failures much of the time. And seeing that the audience laughed or even applauded (the ultimate response, right?) didn't make us question our taste in jokes. It made us wonder if democracy was really a good idea.
A few times along the way, I was asked a fair question: Couldn't someone pick and choose from any late night monologue and find jokes like this? And yes, you probably could. So was I being unfair? Maybe. Most likely. But that bias was fun to work with. So I kept it up.

Let's keep this in mind: These jokes are not the last dregs of humor that one busy man, working alone, is forced to squeeze out night after night. These are a sample of the jokes churned out by a team of professional writers who are being paid a lot of money to write jokes and do nothing else. There are two possibilities then: either Leno's picking the best jokes and the writers suck, or these are not their best jokes, and Leno chooses them anyway, either because of poor taste, or because of a strange philosophy.

Usually when we say 'It's either A or B,' it ends up being C: a combination of the two.

The writers are good at writing jokes quickly, and writing them so that almost everyone can understand them. All the references are to broadly known people and events. The structure of each joke is supposed to be quick and simple. There's no winding path to getting them. There's not suppose to be any pause or wait time. Bam. Bam. Bam. Welcome our first guest.



And Leno knows good jokes. Years ago, his stand-up act was excellent. His writing and delivery were sharp. And he was occasionally provocative and even subversive. What changed was not his skill, but his role. His context. Hosting a network show is in some ways antithetical to the stand-up's creed. You have to be a company man. And Leno's not the only one that has made that choice. It's a balancing act, and it becomes more and more apparent that his weight has shifted away from humor, and comfortably into diversion and simple entertainment. Make them clap happily.




Take a look at the last several jokes posted for the feature. They were all pretty bad. Among some of the worst posted so far. And they were all taken from a single monologue, the night of September 7. That material was the bulk of one night's all-star line up of jokes written by professional writers. They were performed by a veteran comedian who has been called the King of Late Night and has been chosen, twice, as the best man to serve as host of the grandest comedy legacy in network television: The Tonight Show. This is supposed to be the pinnacle of late night comedy. And it's a hack job.

I'm sorry, but when you're placed at the top, you don't automatically get respect. You have to earn it and keep it. And if I simply present your material without comment, and it looks like I'm making fun of you, then let's go ahead and do same actual ridiculing.

From now on the feature will be at it's own space. This blog will still post a regularly refreshed link towards the top of the page.

Friday, September 24, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #51

According to a study, listen to this, women. Men! Men waste $3000 a year in gasoline as a result of not asking directions. (laughter, approval and light applause) In a related story, women waste $3000 a year on shoes they only wear once! (boisterous approval and applause) Thank you very much. Thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you gentlemen. (band fanfare)

-September 7, 2010

Thursday, September 23, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #50

A candidate for governor of Nevada is proposing that motorists who pay an extra 25 dollars be allowed to drive in Nevada at speeds of up to 90 miles an hour. Finally, a politician making sense! Yes! (applause, cheers, and band fanfare) Yes! Thank you! Yes!

-September 7, 2010

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #49

US commanders in Afghanistan are now ending their policy of zero tolerance on corruption. They're ending the zero-tolerance on corruption policy and allowing local government officials who are on our side to be moderately corrupt. (light laughter). Well it's the same policy we have here in Congress. It's the exact same thing. We're just taking it over. It didn't really get a laugh or anything. (curt laughter)

-September 7, 2010

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #48

Police were forced to escort three fans out of the US Open after a fight broke out in the stands during a tennis match. Did you see that on the news? Imagine, a brawl at the US Open? When is this wealthy white guy on wealthy white guy violence going to end? (laughter) When are we going to see an end to this? Why can't– (extended applause)

-September 7, 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #47

Hope you all had a nice Labor Day weekend.… (Cheers) As you know, yesterday all the banks were closed. But today several of them reopened. (laughter)

-September 7, 2010

Thursday, September 16, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #46

The economy is so bad, Glenn Beck had to speak to a hundred thousand people today about Herbalife! That's how bad— that's how bad it is! (applause)

-August 31, 2010

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #45

The U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization claims that eating meat is a major cause of global warming, and is urging us to try other alternatives including insects. They say we should eat insects, because they're rich in protein. All right. Here's my question. Say you're eating a bowl of insects, (titters) and a fly lands on your food: (laughter) I mean do you shoo it away or is it j—? I mean just— (laughter) Really, I mean just what's really—? I mean if it lands there are you—? (applause)

-August 12, 2010

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #44

And one of the most popular foods at county fairs all around the country, heard about this? Deep fried butter! (groans) A stick of butter covered in cinnamon and then fried in batter. (groans) … Now that's how you know we have gotten too fat in this country. Remember when butter used to be an ingredient. Now it's the main course. What is that? (laughter) Ugh … How horrible is that?

-August 10, 2010

Monday, September 13, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #43

And lawmakers in the Catalonia…region of Spain have outlawed bullfighting. Uh, they say the bulls should be treated humanely. …Yeah, I agree. Bullfighting is a terrible sport. But you know who I feel sorry for? The matadors? I mean, what are you supposed to do with that outfit? You know, it's- (laughter) It's not like you wear it to your next job. (laughter) You know, the- "Burrito supreme?" (laughter) You know, what- I mean, what are you gonna do with it? (pretends to doff his cap) Ho ho! (pretends to wave cape) Yeah exactly. (applause)

-July 29, 2010

Friday, September 10, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #42

Hey, did you see Naomi Campbell testifying at the war-crimes trial of the former Liberian president Charles Taylor? You know the story? Apparently he gave her some diamonds. They were blood diamonds or something. Well the court has declared her a hostile witness. Well duh. There's a surprise, huh? (laughter) She was a hostile boss, a hostile girlfriend, a hostile limo passenger. Duh! Of course she's gonna be a hostile witness. (laughter) Is that hard for anybody to understand? I'm surprised you didn't get bonked with a cellphone. (laughter)

-August 9, 2010

Thursday, September 09, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #41

Actually you know who else is on [Dancing with the Stars] this season? Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol Palin is on. Not to be outdone, her former boyfriend Levi Johnston, he's got a new reality show on ABC called The Slimiest Bachelor. You don't want to miss that. (laughter and applause)

- September 1, 2010

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #40

Well last night was TV big night. the Emmy awards were last night. (cheers and applause) And of course, the big surprise: Jersey Shore, shut out again! I couldn't believe it! (laughter) In all categories: writing, directing— It was so unfair. (light laughter)

-August 30, 2010

Video Bits of the Week: Conan O'Brien on 60 Minutes

This is from a few months ago. I include two links to Conan O'Brien's interview with Steve Kroft as the segment was presented on 60 Minutes. The first video posted here is a summary presented by Funny Or Die of the interview with Conan's thoughts spelled out for us. It's stands on its own.

The second video is Conan's refreshing admission that tweeting is not so easy.

Interview Part 1
Interview Part 2

I'm almost done reading ¡Satiristas!, by Paul Provenza and Dan Dion. For now, I shall merely quote from the interview with Jay Leno.
I just write jokes and try not to hurt anybody. It's like the Hippocratic oath to me: "Do no harm." Other people have different agendas.




Tuesday, September 07, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #39

Congratulations to Brian Cranston. He won "Best Actor" third year in a row for Breaking Bad. You ever watch Breaking B—? It's a great show. (applause) It's about— you know what it's about? Terrific show. It's about a science teacher—a high school science teacher who cooks crystal meth. And he attributed his success to working 'round the clock, 24 hours a day without a moment's sleep. That's how he accredit— (laughter) See he was making— (percussion/rattle from band) That's how he was able to do the role— Never mind. (light chuckles)

-August 30, 2010

Monday, September 06, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #38

And I love this. How sleazy is this? A hundred nuns are suing Morgan Stanley for mismanaging their investments. (light laughter) I mean, you're screwing nuns. What is that? (laughter) I mean, how many whacks on the back of the hand with a ruler is that worth? (laughter)

-August 13, 2010

Friday, September 03, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #37

And in a wildlife preserve down in Georgia, a rare zedonk was born. You know what that is? A zedonk? Part zebra. Part donkey. … Odd name, zedonk. Doesn't that sound like a name that Arnold Schwarzenegger would give something? (does impression) "Yah, iss a part zebra, the donkey, the— (laughter) they call it the zedonk! zedonk is what they called it when they get together." (smattering of applause)

-July 29, 2010

Thursday, September 02, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #36

You gotta admit, it's crazy—it's crazy how things change. I mean, remember a year ago the president's numbers were above 70, and Tiger's numbers were below 70? (laughter) Now they've changed. Now they've totally gone the other way. (applause)

-August 11, 2010

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #35

And a man in San Antonio Texas has been arrested for taking upskirt photos of women shopping at Walmart. You know about these creepy guys that do this? He'd sneak up behind women with a camera like on a stick and snap a picture up their skirt. You ever heard of that? Huh? Somebody in a skirt shopping at Walmart? When does that happen? (laughter) Maybe a mumu or stretch pants! (applause) Really? Have you ever seen anybody…in a skirt at Walmart? No! What do you—(cheers) You know— That's how he got caught. He'd been there five years. He finally found somebody. (laughter)

-August 9, 2010

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #34

[Eat, Pray, Love] is about a newly divorced woman who travels the world on a journey to find herself. See that's the difference between men and women right there. Woman gets divorced, she travels the world to find herself. Guy gets divorced, he's traveled up the 5 to a studio apartment in Barstow, ok? (laughter) Yeah. Yeah yeah. She's in Italy eating Italian food; he's at The Olive Garden with a 20% off coupon. (laughter) OK?… (laughter)

-August 11, 2010