He's Known for His Monologue #12

It was so hot today, Mel Gibson yelled at his air conditioner blow on him or he'd burn the house down. (laughter, applause and cheers)

-July 19, 2010

Jimmy Fallon Holds Back the Man

Jimmy Fallon has been accused by a former employee of discriminating against men. The NY Daily News reports that former Late Night stage manager, Paul Tarascio, claims he was told that Fallon "just prefers to take direction from a woman."

Tarascio was not promoted from his position, and eventually lost his job. The woman who replaced him, he says, "was far less qualified."

NBC says the accusations are "without merit," but I'm sure they are sensitive to the plight of men striving for equality in the workplace.

One day, brothers. One day soon.

He's Known for His Monologue #11

Hey, hear about this? Being reported: the cast of Jersey Shore [is] unhappy with their contract. They are going on strike. Yeah, they are refusing to film any more episodes. Good! Thank you! (cheers and applause) What is the problem? Thank you! (band fanfare)

-July 19, 2010

No, Seriously

You're sitting on a bus or in class or in a theater or somewhere with rows of seats. A friend is sitting behind you. He likes to think he's funny. He likes to give you a hard time. He kicks the back of your chair. Again. Again. You tell him to quit, but you're both still laughing. He kicks your chair again, and this time too hard. It whips your neck juuust enough for a little twinge.

Now we're going to find out the most important thing about you and your humor. Because you can go in one of two directions:

1. You turn around, and raise your voice just enough to add some aggression, but you're still kinda laughing. You say 'Quit it asshole!' You might add 'I'm gonna kick your ass!' You might raise a fist or even give him a charlie horse.
2. You grab your neck and realize there was some real pain there. So you turn around and lower your voice to defuse the fun. You furrow your brow and say "No, seriously man: that hurt." No laughing. No irony.

Both directions are fine. I'm not judging anyone here. I've got friends in both camps. And I have to say, those who go for option #2 tend to be called 'nice.' They're trustworthy, loyal, humble... I have no complaints about these fine people.

But I probably wouldn't make a crack about their mother.

LCS Tour

So then Craig Robinson reveals that there are spots on the Last Comic tour. According to this NBC page, the tour was over in 2007. Other, more recent pages on a Google™ search, offer tickets for various shows, ranging from $39 to $248. You can even get free passes to a show, if you buy an all inclusive romantic getaway package! I'd check around. Not all ticket vendors deserve your money.

Here's the "up to date" NBC page, listing shows from September 9 to February 20. The web design was apparently done by someone who wasn't paid enough to put actual links in the "links" column.

He's Known for His Monologue #10

Just a few minutes ago Lindsay Lohan [was] sentenced to 90 days in a county jail after the judge ruled she violated probation. Yeah. And you thought Lindsay couldn't get arrested in this town. Apparently she can. (laughter)

-July 6, 2010

Last Comic Standing: The Voting Portion

I wish there wasn't voting. I believe in a comedy dictatorship.

-Andy Kindler

This is a double shot. I was away from NBC and reliable internet access for a week.

The strangest thing from the past two episodes has been the reveal of the eliminations. Why are they faking it, then showing each comic's farwell, taped ahead of time?

The judges came back, and I like all three of them. But what are they supposed to be doing as judges? Any time a laugh is weak, the office wants the viewers to blame the audience, because saying that it was the comic's fault is just bad business. In the first of these two episodes the judges are kinda useless. Just reporting on the crowd reaction and telling us a tiny bit about their own. Natasha Leggero tells Johnagin his wasn't her "favorite set." OK. If that's what critiques are going to be, why not just have random members of the audience say either 'I loved it' or 'it's not my style'? But Leggero is probably not to blame. Even if she did say more, and she backed it up with meaningful observations, it would probably be cut. I'm sure the producers/agents don't want any of these potential clients/employees to be critiqued by comics who know how to recognize vulnerabilities in an act.

Is any judge going to comment on the fact that Myq Kaplan always refers to the previous act? He's obviously a crowd favorite, and he can even get away with telling the crowd to shut up.

Rachel Feinstein's characters sure last a long time, and the approval of the judges telling her she was "fantastic" is a nice boost, but it would be much better for her to hear not only Leggero's advice to not end with the Deepak Chopra bit, but also a quick explanation of why. Like the fact that in the right club, it'll hit, but on NBC, no one in the audience knows who the hell Chopra is.

Thymius botches his "on a scale 1 to 10, I weigh..." joke. I'm not sure if in her comments, Leggero is retelling it for the sake of the audience or if she thinks he needs the help. But it's nice to see that the judges are listening.

Giraldo's assessment of Thymius as an "old school" comic because he stays in character all the way through is a good observation, but he should add that it's an obvious character that makes it notable. Every one of these comics is in character the whole time they're on stage.

I'm not sure if Myq Kaplan just stole Roy Wood Jr's chicken nugget joke or if he just botched it? Shouldn't he have said that he got an extra nugget? That would have been a better call-back.

Tommy Johnagin has the best backstage clips, and the more I hear Mike DeStefano, the more I like him. His material on how people's values are screwed up, and how self-image says a lot about character are more than just funny. They're worth listening to.

Between Felipe Esparza and Rachel Feinstein I was OK with either leaving. Or rather, I was ok with either moving on to the next round. I like Esparza's strange combination of character with one-liners and stories. He's rough, but I like that I'm trying to figure him out while he's on stage. Feinstein is more polished, a smoother performer, and obviously more deliberate in her delivery. Strangely, that might be her liability. We've seen what she's got. And while her talent deserves more attention (i.e. more air time), Esparza is just more interesting right now. He's more of a feral comic. We need to know if he'll bite.

So back to an earlier point: Esparza celebrates then we see that Rachel knew she was leaving?

So there are two possibilities: either 1) everyone does a farewell clip beforehand, just in case, or 2) the producers are sneaky and they don't care that faking surprise might look cheap to a few viewers. It's gotta be the first one.

He's Known for His Monologue #9

You know, this sounds like a joke and it's unbelievable. The Irish airline, Ryanair, is now going to introduce economy vertical seating, where you're strapped in standing up. This is real. Isn't that how Hannibal Lecter used to travel. (laughter) Remember? They put on the dolly with a mask on your face. Isn't that unbelievable? (applause)

-July 7, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #8

Jesse Jackson blasted [Dan] Gilbert for treating Lebron James--and I quote, this is Jesse's quote, "like a runaway slave." You know, I hate to say it: I think Jesse's slowing down. It took him almost 48 hours to play the race card. I'm surprised it took him this long to do it. (laughter and applause)
-July 13, 2010

He's Known for His Monologue #7

President Obama announced the appointment of a new White House budget director. Which is pretty surprising. You know the White House has a budget director? What the hell [has he] been doing? (laughter)

Do we even have a budget? (laughter)

When you're thirteen trillion dollars in debt, that is not a budget. (laughter)

OK? There is no budget there. (someone claps)
-July 14, 2010

Hitting the Road

We're traveling today. If I see any good bumper stickers along the way, I'll be sure to take a picture for you. Like, this one time, I saw one that said If you can read this... YOU'RE TOO CLOSE!

And it was true! In order to read the writing on the sticker I had to get really close to the car! It was so funny!

He's Known for His Monologue #6

A new study indicates that marijuana prices in California could drop by as much as ninety percent if it's legalized. (whoops and applause) Yeah. So if you're an old stoner on a fixed income, this is good news for you. (laughter)

-July 12, 2010

Hofstetter takes over Morty's in Indy

Steve Hofstetter has announced that he's now running Morty's Comedy Joint in Indianapolis.

He plans to perform there several times a year, including several shows this November.

You might have seen Hofstetter on Comics Unleashed, or the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. He's also been a columnist for ESPN and collegehumor.com.

He has several albums out, and he's even offering one for free download. The first million mooches can go get Dark Side of the Room at no charge.

If you've been to Morty's and you liked the club, give it your vote for the IndyChannel.com's A-List Best Live Comedy in Indianapolis category.

He's Known for His Monologue #5

It was so hot… at Starbucks, people switched from overpriced coffee to overpriced frappuccino. (hoots)

Your Favorite Unknown Comedians?

We're trying to keep on top of comedy enough to watch comedians at the early stages of their career. But here in Indiana it's hard to catch them until they're on TV, or they stop by to talk to Bob & Tom. Fortunately the internet and YouTube have made it easier to find young and undeveloped acts. Even so, there are plenty of comedians out there that I should know about, but that I've missed.

Every once in a while I'll put up a post like this one asking you to share your latest discovery. Or even an old favorite that you can't believe I don't have listed.

Suggestions?

He's Known for His Monologue #4

It seems that Lindsay Lohan has been moved into a sober living facility here in Los Angeles. Doesn't that sound boring? A sober living facility? I mean, I don't even drink, and that sounds boring to me. (laughter) Some guy in the living room waiting to play Dominoes, "Ready to go?" (laughter)

-July 16, 2010

Dig Doug Benson

Casey wants to know what I think of Doug Benson.

First, a joke of Benson's that deserves attention: when making fun of Schwarzenegger's Mr. Freeze tags in Batman & Robin (great lines like "I'm afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy" and "Ice to see you!") Benson suggests several more that didn't make it. The best: "Would you like to be a stalactite? I thought you stalagmite."

So: he's good. He's absurd and low-key, and loath to spit out a joke too eagerly. He plays nicely with transitions (see, for instance, his Comedy Central Presents set--available for instant viewing on Netflix). And his album title, Professional Humoredian is… well, funny. And even tho I don't know why, the title Unbalanced Load is funny too. As are the albums themselves. Super High Me is not an embarrassing potslobber. But it's not as good a dissertation as The Marijuana-Logues.

But if you want to sidestep the constant 'he smokes pot!' giddiness that follows him, just listen to his podcast: Doug Loves Movies. (iTunes owners go here.) The conversations with his guests (typically three visitors on a show) are entertaining, and pointless. And the live audience isn't annoying. (Or at least they're not miked loud enough to distract from the stage.) The centerpiece of the show is The Leonard Maltin Game—think Name That Tune with cast members instead of notes—but the crowd favorite is probably Build-A-Title. Doug provides a title and each guest has to add to the title either with another one that starts with the last word in the center title, or ends with the first word. It's an addictive game. Good for traveling.

Good guests have been Jimmy Pardo, Patton Oswalt, and of course, Paul F. Tompkins. John Hamm was… alright.

Follow Doug Benson on Twitter

He's Known for His Monologue #3

Have you heard those Mel Gibson phone calls? apparently "Mel" is not short for "mellow." (laughter)

-July 14, 2010

LCS Final 10 Refresher

A reminder of last week's episode of Last Comic Standing.

Laurie Kilmartin went with some easy material for her Final 10 opening. Sometimes I wonder if You're a great jokewriter means You're not much of a performer. Nothing outstanding about her act here. "Fack off you miserable batch"? And then a callback with The Little Engine That Could derailing and killing a batch?

Felipe Esparza had some decent jokes and he always sells it with his delivery. He abandons overt transitions between his bits, and somehow it's barely noticeable. Starting with the loser bit, to being nice in the cop car to getting his GED. The themes are strong enough to connect. He just drops the Mexico bits and jumps over to the stretchmark bit, but the crowd seemed to respond without confusion.

Roy Wood Jr. took a long time setting up the Izod line. Then, yes, swimming isn't huge in the U.S. Not a memorable concept there. His career day material provided some good lines. "We need failures in America; they provide chicken nuggets and lap-dances. I like both of them." That was better than the punchline about having been talking to 1st graders.

Maronzio Vance also takes time with his setups. That doesn't work so well in short sets. His closing joke about calling the airline is like a marathon. But he's always calm, and looks OK with however it's going. It went well enough.

Rachel Feinstein told us backstage that she came on LCS because she'd had enough of rejection. What? How strange that both her mom and grandma are into hip(-hop?) culture. Lucky for her. It gave her two amazing voices. No make that three: at one point, her mom dismisses a rap battler in the same voice as the thug that stands up to her later, when she's being Michelle/Sandra Bullock/Pfeiffer.

To Tommy Johnagin, this is just Deal Or No Deal with less money. And about as much luck maybe? In the pre-interview that's funny. But I don't think it's actually a joke. Mothers and grandmothers again, but notice no voices. Not that voices are bad, but it does make it clear that his writing is better than some others. Tho this wasn't his best performance or material. He typically uses a confident (read:paced) delivery. Here he seemed rushed.

Johnathan Thymius is of course slow to deliver no matter what. I mean that in a good way. The strange, what's-going-on-up-there comics like Thymius and Jay London are always a favorite type. It's not so much of a surprise actually. The payoff when clear, is so welcome. Thymius' act is more complete than London's. He's not just one-liners, and he's a "whole" character with his material. When he stepped outside his set and ended with a confused "errrhh" because no one had a plan B, the payoff only came when the music stab closed him out. The effect is the tension from "Do we trust him?" resolved by "O thank god, we do!" Applause is typical.

James Adomian put a lot of faith in his Paul Giamatti impression. Too much maybe. It was hard holding out for the big finish. But audiences love impressions. And he's just good enough that a lot of people might want to know who else he can do.

Mike DeStefano blasted dumb confidence. The line about women beating the door down "from the inside" probably got him votes on its own. But a bit about how black guys have rhythm and white guys sell insurance...? His confidence is not misplaced. Except on that joke.

Backstage, Myq Kaplan delivered one of my favorite types of joke: the obvious understatement. "NBC goes all over New York at least. I can watch it at any of my friends' houses." His bit about "fun" as a noun, not an adverb, avoids being precious. He has a Masters in linguistics, and it's good to see that while language play is still a part of his act, he's no longer doing a Gallagher-like pun barrage. He's moved away from that. Even tho it's a crowd pleaser, he's wise to do richer stuff now. But, "hey you guys have been many funs" was a cute little call back.

I'm staying away from predictions or suggestions about eliminations and winners.

Wilderness Advice

Click the picture to enlarge. Read the entire sign.

Image source: the world wide web

He's Known for His Monologue #2

We have Vice President Joe Biden on the show tonight. see, Joe Biden is different from Dick Cheney. See in the Bush years, the president would say things, and then the vice president would have a heart attack. See, with Joe, the vice president says things and then the president goes, (clutching chest) "Hah?! What!?" See it's a whole different thing. (laughter and applause)
-July 9, 2010

Andy Richter on Marc Maron's WTF

Andy Richter stopped by Marc Maron's garage for a chat. Fortunately Maron was smart enough to record it and kind enough to post it.

Richter's talent is sneaky. He's pretty good at everything he's done, and it always looks like he's doing something easy. In a small role, a recurring role, as a sidekick or main character, it looks like he's just in the right place when everyone's laughing. But pay attention and you'll see it's no accident. He's getting those laughs on purpose. My favorite segments on Conan O'Brien's 12:30 show were definitely Richter's remotes. Consistently hilarious.

Richter and Maron seem to get each other. Throughout the interview there's a lot of "yeah, yeah" and "exactly, exactly" going on. They do a little in medias res narrative, reminiscing a bit about the early days of the 12:30 Late Night spot, and following the timeline to Conan O'Brien's new show, set to debut on TBS in November. He talks some about his family and his depression, his realization that doing the dishes is the real stuff, and the sometimes horrible horrible world of show business. How does a good show like Andy Richter Controls the Universe not make it?

We lacked what I refer to as 'exploding titty.' Like, you know, the stuff that all those white men understand. … "Oh yeah yeah, I get it. Check out those titties!"

The "white men" he's referring to are the executives he had mentioned running into when trying to succeed in the business:

Then you get to like that wall of dumb fuckin' white men who...no one's told them they've been wrong about anything, except maybe their wives when they divorced them. But they've just been told they're right about everything for the last ten or fifteen years.

And he talks pretty directly about the Tonight Show mess.

If you have iTunes, subscribe to WTF here.

He's Known for His Monologue #1

Paris Hilton [was] arrested in South Africa for marijuana possession while at the World Cup. She was released a couple hours later when they discovered it was not her marijuana. See, they don't know Paris Hilton there. They just saw the blank look on her face and assumed she was stoned. She always looks that way. (laughter and applause)

-July 6, 2010

Tour: Louis C.K. Word [UPDATED]

Louis C.K. has announced a 30 city tour "Louis CK: WORD" starting in September. From September thru December these are the cities where he'll be performing. He'll be in Indianapolis in October.

See his site for more details.

---

**
UPDATE: Louis C.K. posted a notice on Twitter saying "scalper sites" are charging too much for tickets. He provides a link to the Ticketmaster page where tickets to most of the shows will soon be available to purchase for less. Here's the link.

I don't know how much the Indy tickets will be, but when I looked yesterday, they were going for at least $75. I'm hoping Ticketmaster can beat that.
**

---

The cities he'll be doing:
Madison, WI; Mashantucket, CT; Boston, MA; Minneapolis, MN; Chicago, IL; Cleveland, OH; Indianapolis, IN; Detroit, MI; Riverside, IA; Kansas City, MO; Montreal; Washington, DC; Albany, NY; Philadelphia, PA; Red Bank, NJ; Reading, PA; Seattle, WA; Portland, OR; Denver, CO; Houston, TX; Austin, TX; Fort Worth, TX; Universal City, CA; San Diego, CA; Tampa, FL; Miami, FL; Atlanta, GA; Orlando, FL


Here's a clip from his new show, Louie, on FX. Do Not Watch It if you, or your interpreter can be offended by the way people talk.



His explanation of the history of the word faggot isn't accurate. But who cares? The show isn't produced by Funk & Wagnalls.

The Jaime Escalante of Comedy: Stand-up and Deliver

Doug Stanhope has posted a rabid spitstorm about people who offer to teach stand-up. Set aside some time. He goes on and on, but it's as brutally honest—or maybe just brutal—as his stand-up.

He gives the finger several times in his post, so I took a look at the website of one of the lucky recipients.

The website is amazing. And she's not at all deluded about the power and value of comedy. In an interview she's asked about her corporate gigs and she explains

Usually people hire me when they're going through a lot of change: "Uh oh, change. We might lose our job! We don't know what to do! We better hire a stand-up comic to come help us out."

Of course.

And for you aspiring comedians out there: She offers economy, standard and deluxe consultation packages. If you pay $850 for the deluxe package, you get five separate tutoring sessions, either on the phone or with Skype. You also get five email exchanges. Now if that's not already worth a thousand bucks, you also get to buy a plane ticket to L.A. (extra) and stay in a hotel (also extra) for a weekend of classes and performances. This magical weekend ends with this amazing service: They post a video of your performance on YouTube. I took a look at the ComedyWorkshops YouTube channel, and the most popular video has been watched about 6700 times.

Again: the posting on YouTube comes only with the deluxe package. Act now.

There's Something to Get

If you don't think it's funny, it's because you don't get it. That's my attitude towards Family Guy. People who laugh at it aren't wrong. They just get something that I don't. I've never really understood the need to be the person, in a room full of people laughing, who says "I get it, but it's just not funny." Maybe worse yet are people who think they can change the curmudgeon's mind by explaining the layers of the joke.

That's why the comment thread on this Language Log post is frustrating.

Commenters who need jokes to be "classy," probably also want their pizza to be healthy and their candy to be educational.

And in response to an ironic comment that some readers thought was serious, Mark offers what I think is a glorious suggestion:

"The world would be a better place if the /snark tag was presumed for internet posts in general and people had to qualify their words when they meant to be serious."

New rule.

Wait for It

As seen on The Huffington Post, The Daily Dish, and luckily for Bryson, now here.

The Daily Chauvinists?

A couple weeks ago, Irin Carmon at Jezebel wrote a piece critical of The Daily Show's hiring and employment practices.

The next day, Carmon noted some poor arguments being used to defend The Daily Show.

A week later, she responded to an on air mention from Jon Stewart (a quick throwaway: "Jezebel thinks I'm a sexist prick!") with a strange back-pedal/double-down, with flattery like "my mom loves you. I love you!" and barbs like "thanks to Helen Mirren last night, the show has now had 66 men as guests this year, compared to 14 women."

So now, The Daily Show not only hires unfairly, it also books unfairly. I guess it should be a 51/49 ♀/♂ split, because, you know, the guest list is pretty much taken straight from the general population.

Carmon defends her original piece as a thoroughly researched and data driven piece, getting the help of "as many people with direct experience of the show" as possible. Here's a rundown of the evidence she presents:

Olivia Munn is the only new female correspondent in seven years.

Samantha Bee is currently the only other female correspondent. (Kristen Schaal debuted in 2008, but she's just a contributor.)

Female correspondents don't last a long time on the show. (In contrast, I guess, to male correspondents who get full tenure immediately.)

Lauren Weedman didn't feel secure working on the show. (In contrast, I guess, to male correspondents who get all the love they need.)

A "former executive" says Stewart "runs The Daily Show with joyless rage." (…which is the the same thing as sexism.)

There's an old story about Stewart throwing some paper at Madeleine Smithberg, who is a woman.

Stacey Grenrock Woods (a correspondent for 4 years) felt like it was a boy's club.

According to "one show veteran", "emotional vulnerability is like blood to a shark," so I guess since women are emotionally vulnerable, it's a bad mix. (Carmon's logic uses this to explain why "many women felt marginalized." Is there some reason a surly environment is OK for men, but not for women?)

Adrianne Frost felt that her "grateful and thankful" behavior came across as "'needy, crazy, insecure.'" (Apparently she just feels it's that way with women.)

Carmon does provide counter arguments from Bee, who dismisses gender as a barrier to her success, and Allison Silverman who felt she got "nothing but support." She even quotes Smithberg (who survived the paper attack) saying "I don't think that there is a double standard at the Daily Show."

And in a rather backhanded acknowledgment of improvement, Carmon both notes that last year two women were hired as writers, and dismisses the gesture saying that doesn't make "a female-friendly environment."

No. Apparently, in addition to such masculine themed bits like Ed Helms getting a mole removed, you need to also have a bit about going to the gynecologist. Weedman's pitches on women's issues had to have been rejected for being too girlie, because every pitch about scrotums has made it to air. And Schaal's pieces devoted to women's issues are… not what Weedman wanted. And hiring Munn doesn't count because she's too pretty. And even tho Beth Littleford was hilarious, she was pretty too. And Bee and Schaal don't count because they don't help this line of argument. (Tho Schaal is very cute in a subversive likable way.)

Well, who cares what I say. Read the open letter from The Daily Show women, here.

Since You Were Born Ugly, You're Probably Pretty Weird

The Therapy's Workin' !

What Does Gallagher Have That Women Don't?

Garrison Keillor (who some think of as funny) once said to George Plimpton (who thought of himself as funny) "humor is the only literary genre labeled by the effect it is supposed to have on people." Well, humor and horror and bedtime stories and morality plays and sermons… But it's true that successful comedy is easy to measure: Does it get laughs? So here's my overall point: When we say that there aren't as many successful women stand-ups, we really have to blame the audience for a lot of that. Because once a woman chooses to be funny, I'm convinced she's just as likely to craft a potentially humorous line as a man is.

And it's amazing to me how many people still say there are no good female comedians. Looking around for comments on YouTube videos, I found some gems. The dumbest voices are obvious: "point proven, women are not funny." No argument necessary apparently. Whatever this guy thinks, is the way it is. And on the same video, the voice of reason could only muster such damning praise as "shes ok… good for a women." Nice compliment… for a children.

On another video we find a charming defense of the female comic: "I'd hit it....." The more temperate voice tones it down a bit: "sexy dress, nice figure... milf...." and just barely over the line of patronizing: "…so cute -- and funny". Some people just insist on thinking that the nicest thing you can tell a woman is that she's cute as a fuckable button.

You even hear arguments trying to explain why women just can't be funny. And it's from otherwise thoughtful and logically meticulous people.

Christopher Hitchens wrote an essay a few years ago for Vanity Fair, defending something close to this view. To be fair to his point, he does not say that women can't be funny. He doesn't say no women are funny. And, as I read it, he focuses a bit on what people think is funny once they hear it, not just on what comes out of her mouth funny (which, frankly, requires really strong abs.)

But I don't buy his early claim about how guys talk about girls:

There is something that you absolutely never hear from a male friend who is hymning his latest (female) love interest: "She's a real honey, has a life of her own … [interlude for attributes that are none of your business] … and, man, does she ever make 'em laugh."

First, women really don't say "and, girl, does he ever make 'em laugh" either. And his broader point, that guys don't notice or comment on a girl's sense of humor, isn't convincing. But I accept his argument to a point: society has different expectations of behavior for men and women. And the role of humor is shaped by those expectations. And Hitchens is a smart guy, so when he asks "Why are men, taken on average and as a whole, funnier than women?" I'm willing to assume that he recognizes that being funny is largely determined by being thought of as funny. And also choosing to be funny. And that's a fair observation: In my experience, in a room full of people, the one trying to get laughs is typically a guy, and the one trying to steal his spotlight is another guy.

But Hitchens really steps in it when he looks to the data to make a point about women's neural ability to process, recognize, or create humor actually being handicapped. Summarizing (sloppily) the findings of a Stanford study, he writes:

Slower to get it, more pleased when they do, and swift to locate the unfunny—for this we need the Stanford University School of Medicine? And remember, this is women when confronted with humor. Is it any wonder that they are backward in generating it?

These studies can often be summed up in a really boring way that proves very little about men and women being hardwired differently. Findings about what parts of the brain light up and how much "brain activity" is measured often conclude, admitting that we really have no idea what "brain activity" translates into, or why different areas of the brain make any difference. But Hitchens thinks he knows enough to call women humor-retards.

First, we can throw out his ridiculous claim that "There are more terrible female comedians than there are terrible male comedians." Seriously? Has he been to a comedy club? An open-mic night? Has he watched Premium Blend? On a typical night you'll see more awful male comedians than the total number of female comedians.

But let's not resort to an easy retort that we think will obviously take down Hitchens' "nature" argument: 'Look at all the funny women out there!' To such a bit of evidence thrown at him, that some women are good at a specific type of humor, he writes that they are "so rare... the surprise is that it is done at all." No matter how many hilarious women we mention, in order to defend his point, all Hitchens has to say, is there are still more men.

The point can't be that counting the numbers on each side proves something about natural ability. And even tho I lean towards sociological influences, some of those arguments fall apart too easily. Such as the following point made by Alessandra Stanley for her own Vanity Fair piece, written partly in response to Hitchens.

Comedians have to dominate their audiences and “kill,” by common metaphor. …

Women either had to compete—head-on, in the aggressive style of Paula Poundstone or Lisa Lampanelli—or subvert the form and make themselves offbeat and likable….

Paula Poundstone is aggressive? Have you seen her cat video? I'm pretty sure the panels on Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me! are equal parts estrogen, and suede elbow patches.

But on this silly point, Hitchens and Stanley seem to agree. He writes

There are some impressive ladies out there. Most of them, though, when you come to review the situation, are hefty or dykey or Jewish, or some combo of the three.

"Most of them" is such a useless group when you divide it into three non-opposing subgroups. So women comics have to choose a character but men comics don't? Women are either "aggressive" or "likable" while men are just funny guys being normal? The way guys naturally are?

Yeah, comedy can be aggressive. But is Steven Wright dominating his audience? Did Woody Allen grab his audience by the balls? Did you see that set where Emo Philips ripped his audience a new one? Jimmy Carr is a madman! Or maybe they too, had to "subvert the form" to compete. How about this: Every comedian has to choose a style and earn an audience. Not just the women. The men do too. And it doesn't just come naturally to the men. I'll grant that for social reasons fewer women choose to do stand-up. But once they make that choice, both sexes range from caricatured to more natural delivery. Both men and women have to choose how they'll perform.

The foundation of this stereotype about women comics being worse than men comics, is the assumption that every guy who takes the stage is pretty good. I looked at a list of more than 200 comedians with Comedy Central half-hour specials. About 12% of them were women. So think about the last 30 comedians you saw perform. Let's say 8 of them were women. That's a generous number of around 25%. And how many of those 30 comedians were any good? Let's say one third. That gives us 10 decent comedians. And if the proportion is the same between men and women, that means that only 2⅔ of the women are any good.

Out of 30 comedians, it's inflating the numbers to say that 3 of them are likely to be women who don't suck. Going with these numbers that favor the women, out the last 100 comedians you've seen, women are doing better than men if 9 of them are decent.

Last Comic Standing: a Primer (kinda late)

I'm not sure our nation will survive such catastrophes. If a talented and funny kid like Taylor Williamson can't win thousands of dollars and a development deal from NBC, the home of 100 Questions, then what hope is there for comedy? How will Williamson ever reach the heights of Dat Phan and that guy with the nervous twitch?

I'm not making fun of the past winners. Really, i'm not. They're talented and even occasionally funny. But success on LCS is not what will make Tommy Johnagin a successful stand-up. He's good, and he was already getting the attention of the right people. Even if he's eliminated next week, I expect he'll be fine. And Williamson, and Fortune Feimster, and Michael Vecchione will also be fine (or at least Vecchione will be once he gets a site away from MySpace. C'mon Mike! They're about to tear it down!) Their acts are better than what NBC is willing to show on this little cavalcade.

So watching LCS outcomes too closely as a test and display of comedic skill is kinda like following Survivor as a test of Navy Seal prowess, or American Idol as a test for religious icons. You have to step away from the title a bit. Sure, Star Search gave us Sam Harris, Sawyer Brown and Sinbad. But do those good deeds excuse the show for giving Tiffany the shaft with a mere 2nd place finish in the finals? You know what, America? I blame you.

We need to keep a few things in mind with these shows. We can blame NBC for the editing and image massaging that nudges voters one way or the other. Did anyone else notice James Adomian suddenly sprouting facial hair between doing his backstage banter and coming out for his set? I'm even pretty sure many of the audience reactions—laughter, groans, and cricket chirps—are planted. And a laugh track was enough to convince some of you that Suddenly Susan was funny, so we know it works. But the final rounds, where it's all viewer votes, do say something about who's watching TV. And just like I would never let my grandmother choose my date to the prom, I can't expect to be happy with her choice for best stand-up. And I can't really blame NBC if I agree that Nana gets a vote.

It's the early rounds where we can really hold the suits accountable. This shouldn't be a surprise to Sasso, at Shandeh.com, who comments on Greg Giraldo's tell-tale expressions when the finalists were announced:

That look, confirmed my suspicions that the producers of Last Comic Standing are backstage pulling all the strings.

Ya think? Another clue might have been the second season when Dan Naturman didn't make it to the finals and two judges, Drew Carey and Brett Butler did a lot of complaining on camera, and little math on their notepads, and finally claimed no one told them the producers had final say. (Carey has said that the 3rd judge, Anthony Clark, was also upset, but I don't remember Clark saying anything obvious on camera.) When producers are also agents, the similarity between the contestant list and client list shouldn't shock anyone. Sure, it's called a competition. But the reward isn't just money, it's also a talent deal. They're looking for a nationwide vote to decide what they themselves normally decide based on personality, demographics, advertising potential, and if there's room for it, talent. The early weeding out isn't a scandal. It's how the business works. The closing credits tell us that in the early rounds the producers and NBC have a say in each contestant to advance. So the nationwide vote is just an enormous focus group. With more power than most focus groups. Before they give up that much power, the executives have to make sure the pool is safely made up only of people that they have OK'd.

This is not a hidden agenda. They want someone they can work with. And besides, do we really need the best stand-up to win? Does the arc of a great career really have to go through that board room? I'm not saying that any comedian with a development deal is a sellout. A comedian that wants to sit at the table and take corporate's advice—or obey corporate's commands—can do so and still turn out amazing work. Seinfeld took a seat at that table then gave us one of the best sitcoms ever. He took chances. He laughed at Susan dying. He said that Whatley's jokes about Jews were OK as long as they were funny. He gave Corbin Bernsen a cameo. Those things take balls. But was The Toy really what we all had hoped for Richard Pryor? Was that the success he deserved? Really?

Sure, I would have thought that a cute and quirky kid like Taylor Williamson would be what the producers want. But now am I rooting for the network to find their pony? Or in Felipe Esparza's case, their burro?

Well, if you're looking for some simple and direct and helpful coverage of LCS, I recommend reading Sean L. McCarthy's posts at The Comic's Comic. He tells you what happened without intrusive spin, while his take on it is nicely present thru his careful tone. I'll be checking in over there regularly.

In the meantime, watch the show and appreciate the good jokes. Because there are many. Just don't hope for much more for each comic than that their sets go well and they don't make fools of themselves offstage.

You Can Charm the Critics, and Have Nothing to Eat

Look, if you're hoping to read an argument that agrees with all your reasons for why Dane Cook sucks, then go read the comments on every one of George Carlin's YouTube videos. Go there, write 'Carlin rules! Cook's a tool!' and your incisive analysis will get all the fuck yeah's it deserves.

If you're looking for someone to argue about who should win Last Comic Standing, go find someone who believes that show is really about stand-up. There are great comics on that show. And some of them who deserve attention will get it. It's good to see. I watch it. I even enjoy it. I'll write about it. But the show is an executive meeting dressed down as an applause-o-meter.

I watch stand-up a lot. I watch the good stuff. The bad stuff. New ones and dead ones. The polished ones that are losing their edge, and the beginners that make my jaw drop with envy. (Yes, polish can of course give an edge, and a few beginners out there are hacks.) I record sets and watch them several times; I love comparing different delivery of the same joke. I have a file full of Rodney Dangerfield's one-liners. I have another folder full of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck jokes." (Hey, some of them are pretty good.) I have a folder of clips of comedians going after hecklers. And I have another file full of RedTube girl-on-girl scenes. That's relevant. No, seriously.

Good comedy is like good porn. If it gets you off, it's done its job.